…dream to live.

summer hat

A couple days ago, I drove for several hours, through the nearest city and into the farmland beyond to deliver a young ram to his new caretakers.
The night before, I was stressed about having to be somewhere at a specific hour. Mark just laughed at/with me. “then it’s something you need to do…” I realized that while some people may begin to feel anxious at the crumbling of their structures, the loss of control in their lives, my personal trigger for anxiety is exactly the opposite.

I begin to feel Fear at the prospect of any structure in my life.

Other thoughts on that trip, still moving around the theme of Time:
We have long lifespans now, on the whole, much longer than it was for folks Back Then. Could it be that people who live(d) in cultures that are/were not bound by Time as we understand it now actually lived longer lives at 40 than we do at 80? I know I can stretch time, literally. I practice it.  One moment can draw out and out and who knows if it is a blink or an hour? To measure it is to step back into clock time and therefore contract the moment.
You know what I am saying?

The drive through the world of people really illustrated how little interested in that world I am. I mean it. The world of shopping, television, the seemingly insatiable appetite for the same stores, laid out mile after mile, these all seem like a bad dream, but  one that I am not having, moving by in the periphery.
I will not be distracted by them.
Without being an outdoorsy type (oh my lungs!) I am completely commited to my relationship with Nature.
Yesterday I could not fathom the move to town. I wanted to cry, I wanted that change so little. It will be alright, once I get over into that life. I just have to make the crossing. That’s always a sure way to dredge up some resistance…